It's late, I'm tired, yet my head is filled up with so much anger, feeling heart broken, experiencing delusions, making irrational decisions that seem to be rational at present. The only way to ease this load off my back is by blogging.


"Promise are made to keep". This saying is just a bunch of bullshit, if it really is true why do I find the people closest to me mistreating me and my emotions. Admit it, promises just aren't meant to exist, that's how I see it. If you don't see where I am coming from, then please let me explain myself. Ever ask yourself the reason as to why a promise is made to you and you feel all happy inside sensing a bit of hope, yet you find yourself experiencing excruciating pain when you realize that the promise was just a hoax. Deceptions, Lies, Betrayal. It's just all too much to bear. I am now over promises, any promises made towards me mean nothing, I will only believe what is told to me when I witness it. Just how many broken promises, how much pain can one endure. My answer? None, no one should have to experience any of this.


The feelings I have for my family are now gone. It has now officially been locked up under 'JUNK-OLD STUFF-THE PAST'. Emancipation. Up until the end of last year, this word wasn't a part of my vocabulary or dictionary. Ever wonder why? Because, I never knew such thing existed, never knew that one can undergo this process. At first I thought it was silly for someone to choose to emancipate from their parents, now I can understand why some kids choose this option instead of running away. I, for the past few hours have been drawing up a visual pro and con table up in my mind towards this idea. After holding a private debate with only me, myself and my conscience, I have decided that after I finish my final high school year (this year) I will officially ask the court to undergo emancipation and I will leave this family. This manipulative, selfish, arrogant, hypocritical and untrustworthy bunch of people. I deserve to have my own freedom, my own life, a life where I can do everything at my own pace and at my own free will. Now I know what you might be thinking, let me guess, is it somewhere along the lines of:
"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS GIRL DOING?! ISN'T SHE BEING IRRATIONAL AND TAKING THINGS TO THE EXTREME?!"
Just to let you know, you may think that I am insane, but that's because you're not in my situation. One cannot endure a lot of pain, especially when it's caused by the people whom you love and thought who loved you in return. I just want to be able to have independence, my own social life, make my own decisions, be who I want to be, do what I want to do. My life wasn't created to be controlled by someone other than myself.  
I am a human being, not an animal or an experimentation.
My brain can function properly, I walk, talk, eat and play perfectly fine. So why does anyone have the right to tell me what to do and make decisions for me? I just don't get those people. I just want to get through this year peacefully and then I will be free once and for all. I hope to some day be like these birds.

Labels: emotions, lies, life